Direct your emotions toward the real problem
There usually are many things going on in the life of a parent all at once, especially a single one! I can recall 18 hour work days, running errands from sun up to sun down, weeks of running to rehearsal every night and then helping with homework until way past bedtime, feeling unappreciated at work or in a relationship, forgetting appointments, feeling exhausted with a thousand things remaining on my to-do list and the list goes on and on and on! Issues compile; stress elevates, frustration occurs and in many cases; the children get the worst of it!
Yes, your children may frustrate you, but are they really the reason that you are so upset or is it something else? Sometimes we lash out at our children for small things because in many cases, it's a lot easier and safer than yelling at your boss, arguing with a spouse, or having that dreaded talk with that irritating person! Yelling at our children sometimes make us feel like we have some control when everything else in our lives feel out of control! Children generally don't fight back, or they won't put up enough of a fight because in the end; as parents we usually "win" and they know that! But is this fair?
Here are 5 ways to make sure you are directing your emotions toward the real issue(s)
1. Find a resolution. Try to resolve any issues you may have with anyone instead of holding grudges. If you can't resolve them, at the very least; acknowledge them and figure out a way to deal with them or let them go.
2. Forgive. If someone upsets you, make it a habit to try to forgive them so it doesn't eat at you! Forgiving in itself is therapeutic and can relieve stress.
3. Check in with yourself regularly. Instead of just rushing through your day, check in with yourself to see how you're really feeling. Are you stressed, tired, upset? If you find that you are do something to take care of yourself. One thing I do is remove myself for a while. I'll meditate, take a walk, take a long shower, journal, etc. These activities usually can reset me; help me destress and allows for me to see things clearer.
4. Don't try to do it alone. This was one of the biggest mistakes for me. If you find that life is overwhelming never be afraid to seek help! There are professionals trained to deal with what you are going through. You may not need a psychiatrist, but you may need someone to help you get organized or a babysitter for a day or two, someone that will be shoulder, or provide sound advice. Never forget that it takes a village!
5. It's okay to apologize. If you ever realize you may have aimed your emotions at your children without cause; apologize. Apologizing isn't always easy, but it is very healing for both parties.
If you are a parent, your child(ren) will without a doubt upset you, frustrate you and sometimes make you steaming MAD. There will be times when they deserve to be chastised or disciplined; it's the reality of the relationship! Just be sure that you're directing your emotions toward the right person and right problem! Don't make your children a target or a way to take out your frustration!